One of the most painful things that can happen to a writer is when you're almost done with your piece, and the computer freezes up. Thus it is that your newsletter is arriving rather late. My apologies.
Apologies are something that Big Boss, Stefan Keshi would not be
contemplating issuing to former Super Eagles troublemaker, Osaze
Odemwingie. Not after watching his wards hold Barcelona's B-Team to a 1-1 draw.
Never mind the fact that he was just snubbed by a fading geriatric who
was rejected by England almost a decade ago, a time frame which in
football terms is like eternity.
But then from one tale of unrequited love to a possible one, and
Sebastian Udeh must be wondering what went wrong. Rather than making
love to his wife all night long on New Year's night, he had an
all-night altercation with her, and a few machete cuts later, she ended up on a mortuary slab, while he has ended up cooling his heels at the Rivers state CID.
Such is life you might say, as another person who has been cooling his
heels has re-emerged. No, not from the clink, but from a hospital bed.
Taraba state's number one pilot has been photographed
with his wife, two babies, and some unknown character. What I find
striking about the picture is that while Mrs. Suntai is grinning from
ear to ear, Captain Suntai has something akin to a scowl plastered on
his face. One can only advise Taraba's official parrot to remove all
machetes from the vicinity of the Government House in Jalingo rather
than telling us about "no vacancies in Government House". We hear
enough of that from Abuja already.
Yes, we do hear such nonsense on the regular from Abuja, and thus it
was that the eggheads surrounding the President came together, took
their phrase books to task, and came up with a statement about the new
works of art that Abuja residents have had to endure. "What is most
important now is for the president to deliver on his electioneering
promise to Nigerians and not to embark on the pasting of posters," whimpered Chief Parrot Abati, while in the background, one of the 67 million unemployed Nigerians accepted 1k to paste some more posters.
Truth is, this issue of 67 million unemployed Nigerians is one that we
cannot afford to toy with, yet one that we keep paying lip service to.
If our government has people who are capable of engaging their brains
into gear, it will be painfully obvious that sorting the problem is
"easy". Embark on massive infrastructure projects, and create a real
environment for SMEs to operate in. Sadly, that doesn't seem to be the
case as it is a lot easier to "deliver on electioneering promises".
Thus it is that the big man in charge of electricity regulation in
Nigeria has told us that SMEs will get a new electricity charge
as a Valentine's present. What he failed to tell us are (i) whether the
new charge will be higher than what obtains at the moment; and (ii)
whether electricity will actually be provided to the SMEs so they can
get on with the job of actually providing avenues of employment rather
than servicing generators.
Bits and bobs
That nebulous group called "stakeholders" is worried about
the dominance of our stock market by foreigners. Maybe they should be
informed that foreigners dominate just about everything in our country,
including what we eat, such as rice.
Tunji Owoeye, a blazer belonging to the Rice Dealers Association, has raised the alarm on the quality of rice
in circulation. Maybe someone ought to point out to him that only last
month, we were informed that the rice we import from Thailand nowadays is 15 years old.
Two of the noisemakers that pass themselves off as musicians in Nigeria
have realised that Tupac and Biggie are both dead. Davido and Wizkid have "settled their beef".
Both of them were toddlers during the heyday of rap music, so it is
possible that they've gone to class for history lessons, and learned
that beef leads to an early grave.
Baba is in the news again. This time he's offering advice to the Lagos PDP on how to be better thugs.