Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Fighting a losing battle

This was an article I wrote for NEXT on the current Niger Delta crisis...

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Cause of pot belly in Nigerian men

Just saw this and thought I should share...

European man

Breakfast
Croissant, tea, banana, bowl of fruits

Lunch
Tuna salad, rice, glass of water
Snack
2 biscuits with earl grey tea

Dinner
Sweet and sour chicken, rice, mixed vegetables, 1 glass of wine

Daily calorie consumption
1500 average male, recommended calorie count male 2500

Nigerian man

Breakfast
Ogi pap with 7 akara balls, bread with Blueband margarine

Lunch
Jollof rice with chicken, gizzard, cow foot, Maltina drink,

Snack
Bag of chin chin

Mid afternoon tea
6 puff puff, Green sands shandy

Dinner
Bowl of pounded yam with Egusi soup or nkwobi, 4 pieces of fried chicken, assorted fish, bokoto, fried tilapia washed down with large stout with foam on top.

Snack
Moin moin, kuli kuli, Guinness

Total calorie- 4500

Weekends- Nigerian party, buffet style fried rice, jollof rice, white rice and stew, cow neck, pig feet, suya on the stick, fried plantain, assorted drinks, Fanta, Mirinda, Maltina, Henessy and Coke, 5 alive juice

Calorie 4000

No exercise, lots of sleeping after heavy eating, unbuckling belt, pot belly after a few months...

Sunday, May 17, 2009

...as an aside

This buttresses the point I made in this article, the brief from the FIRS to the entire Nigerian media about Adenuga's company being sealed up was available since last week Friday (May 8). Only 234Next reported it, and only 234Next followed up on the story which resulted in our finding out that the man's companies owed that much in taxes.

How can we make progress as a nation if the media is so complicit?

Saturday, May 16, 2009

The funniest thing

...so the woman has just received the copies of the passport photographs that she had taken some days ago. In anticipation, she opens the packet and what she sees disappoints her.

She runs to the studio and confronts the photographer. "Why is my picture so ugly?"

Without looking at her, he replies, "I'm sorry ma'am, my camera takes pictures, it doesn't do plastic surgery."

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Vampires

He got out of the office quite late that night, and having been carless since that prick of a trailer ran into car three weeks ago there were two options available to him. Use a bus or hail a cab. He hailed a cab. Destination, Surulere.

Cab ride from Obalende was smooth and being tired, he almost fell asleep, but the horror stories he had heard from childhood prevented him from doing so. Just as well. Just before the Masha Roundabout, the Vampires stopped the cab. After asking the cab driver what was in the boot, and getting a negative response, they turned on him. He had a bag with him at the back of the cab so they asked him to come down from the vehicle. What was in the bag they asked, and he answered his laptop. Did he have a receipt for the laptop they asked and he asked how he could have a receipt for a piece of equipment over a year old. They asked him where he was coming from and he responded from work. They asked to see his id card which he duly produced. They claimed the id card was a fake and he supplied his manager's number for them to call. They declined to make the call. They proceeded to harass him for money since he happened to be in their power and one of them told him point blank that if anything happened to him, nothing would come out of it.

He respectfully told them that being a journalist his disappearance would raise a lot of eyebrows. Only then did they let him go with some accompanying hisses and a warning that next time he should have something for the boys. So he went back into the cab and homewards wondering if with these dodgy characters Jen would ever come to visit.

Monday, May 04, 2009

Aargh!!!


It is not the power (there is a generator for that), it is not the water (there is a borehole), it is not the roads (we drive a Jeep), it is not the weather (we hated the cold). No, what we miss from the UK is one very simple thing, bandwidth.