10 percent

"MPs are like cab drivers. If you pay a cab driver he will take you wherever you want to go."

---Mohammed Al-Fayed

It may come as news to some people in places like Naija, but bribery and corruption is part and parcel of politics in the UK. I still curse the day when both Akin and Jeremy (it's almost like they planned it) introduced me to Private Eye. Since that time, my local WH Smith has seen me come every week to drop my £1.50 tithe and get angry after the fact. The shenanigans that politicians get up to around these parts. In any event, Private Eye is one of those things I'll miss on that day in the not too distant future when I shall jump out of this crashing British Airways flight with a parachute marked Naija.

I have to be very careful with the story which follows as I'm still bound by the confidentiality agreements I signed at my former job...

Sometime in July of last year, I was sent to a government establishment outside of London to install some software and train the staff. I had gone there with a colleague of mine, and my old employer used to bill us out for what I considered cut-throat prices. Upon arrival at the place, the staff refused to let us get to work because according to them they weren't properly informed as to our mission. We were faced with two options, either to drive back to London empty handed, or at least do something by way of maintenance on what our colleagues who had been there earlier had done. We opted for the latter. In the course of the maintenance, I noticed that the head honcho's office had six desktop PCs, all set up for use. The problem with that office was that there were only three desks, which meant that top man and his two PAs had two PCs each. A waste if you ask me, and I pointed it out to him. The man smiled and told me that I hadn't heard the best of it. He proceeded to ask me how much I would value each of the computers at. I responded with a range of £300 to £400 per computer. He smiled and said that that was not the case. What he told me next made my jaw ache as it hit the floor with high velocity. Yes, those computers were present on a lease of three years each from a company at £100 per computer per month! The British government was paying £3600 each for computers that would cost a maximum of £600 (and that is being ambitious) each if they had been bought outright. He asked me to do some research on the company that leased the computers to his organisation. The internet being so ubiquitous, I did, and suffice to say, the names on the board of that company have rather strong links in the British establishment. If that is not corruption, then tell me what is.

We all know the story of Derek Conway, he who employed his son and paid him inflated wages for doing absolutely nothing. If that isn't a form of money laundry I don't know what is. Now we have this story of Lords accepting large sums to change laws. I am absolutely disgusted.

What gets my goat about this and so many other stories I hear in this country nowadays is the fact that apparently these events are more the rule than the exception in this part of the world. What we would call nepotism in Nigeria is called networking here. If it occurs in our part of the world it would be called bribery, here they call it sleaze. Where it is torture in our own domain, here it becomes abuse of detainees. The double standards and herd mentality nurtured by the establishment here with the sometimes active connivance of the mainstream press is downright sickening. Please pass me the sick bucket I need to puke!

Recommended reading: Defending the indefensible

P.S: Mr. Conway is still an 'honourable' member of Parliament.