Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Hot air

Steam is a very powerful fuel. As a matter of fact, the Industrial Revolution began because someone found that you could use steam to move things that teams of men and/or horses could not move. Steam, is essentially a by-product of hot air. And steam, can be used to produce light. So I'd recommend that assorted government suits, rather than blowing hot air at the power problem, put that hot air to good use, and produce some steam that we can actually use to produce electricity.

The problem though, is that sometimes it appears more profitable to blow hot air in the direction of a problem, rather than apply that hot air to good use. Thus it was that 3 months after they were taken away from their dorms in the dead of night by evil men, the location(s) of the #Chibok babes remain(s) firmly known to assorted government suits, but same suits have decided that it is in the interest of the girls, to remain where they are, in the hands of evil men.

Evil men who are running rough shod all over this land of ours, and pissing at the corners of various towns, villages and hamlets to mark out territory, while miles away, khaki parrots are, blowing hot air, about using an iron sponge to stop these evil men.

Bits and Bobs
  • So, do genetically modified crops have a shot in Nigeria's hot air filled landscape?
  • Innoson, Nigeria's only car-maker, is showing promise. Soon, we will be driving genuinely cheap vehicles.
  • Usually, very bad things happen when first people are identified. Following identification comes sorting out, following sorting out, well, the killing begins. Let's hope that this order will nip it in the bud.
  • Nigeria's budget is just over N4 trillions. Salaries for Federal workers only, is N1.8 trillions. Did I hear someone say something about recurrent expenditure?
  • Monday, July 21, 2014

    Learning the wrong lessons

    There's a history lesson in today's ThisDay paper about how back in the 1990s, a bank suit made a decision to, for just one day become a teller. Sadly, this history lesson comes to a rather erroneous conclusion as it did not identify the underlying causes of said suit's decision to handle the cash. You see, Mr. Adeola's becoming a teller for one day in 1991, was made to alert customers about a new kid on the block, not because his tellers were not on duty. Which is why the IG's PR stunt made yesterday complete with a traffic warden's gear, is most unwelcome. The traffic warden who allegedly abandoned his post, has, to my knowledge, not been punished for dereliction of duty.

    But then being that the IG appears more interested in directing traffic rather than fighting crime, maybe, just maybe, the head of our police force should be redeployed to Lagos where the gridlock is positively overwhelming. I'm being serious here: the jam on what is probably Nigeria's most important road is such that even the normally upbeat fila in charge of Lagos affairs has thrown his hands up, and resorted to shifting the blame.

    Much like the suit at the Interior Ministry. However luckily for him, and that errant traffic warden in Abuja, people don't get punished around these parts. So months after 19 young Nigerians were stampeded from the mortal coil, the man who's head should have been on the block for that monumental tragedy, is still beating drums about promises that have clearly been forgotten.

    Bits and Bobs
  • Quick history lesson here; in 1980, Nigeria's underfunded athletes went to Moscow for the Olypmic games, and returned with no medals, but with camp tales of sex and sleaze. In 2014, Nigeria's underfunded athletes are headed to Glasgow, in rags.
  • What is a bit of a problem is that when these athletes return with STDs, the people who may treat them will still be in court.
  • But even if by some miracle, Nigeria's legal system evolves from being a tortoise to being a rabbit, the operation(s) may still fail as there will be no light.
  • But the lack of power is not much to worry about as we will finally be able to eat home grown rice. Praise be!
  • Friday, July 18, 2014

    The future of food

    It's funny that sometimes the most important events are often the most understated. Case in point, two millennia ago, a Roman squad in a far-flung corner of the empire hung up a man on a cross. It was pretty much a routine event, one that the Romans did not even bother to record, just another brigand crucified. Today, a third of all people, worship in that person's name.

    Thus it was that in Nigeria today, while all the activists and people are raising hell to water over impeachments, PR contracts, and young Pakistani girls, our future is quietly being mortgaged. How? Our food security is being given away to an American company called Monsanto.

    Monsanto's record speaks for itself, and where this goes is anyone's guess, but trust me on this - if this GMO thing goes through using Monsanto's seeds, our kids are either going to pay through their noses to eat, or they will simply starve.

    Bits and Bobs
  • Yes, speaking of activists, and they bombarded Twitter yesterday regarding the Prez's latest faux pas. Never mind Mr. Prez, they'll forget it in a few weeks time.
  • One that may be slightly more worrisome to the Prez, is this activist who never forgets. He's requested #ourNASS to ignore the request for $1 billion. They'll ignore him.
  • Continuity, remains a bane in Nigeria at all levels. Why won't it when the first order of duty, even for an acting leader, is always a mass sacking?
  • The lack of continuity, then leads to a launching of the same project for the third time in a decade.
  • Thursday, July 17, 2014


    Yesterday, millions of hard working Lagosians, spent three hours going in one direction in traffic. Arrived at our offices all fagged out, took a nap rather than a lunch break, then proceeded to spend another three hours in traffic, in the other direction. Arriving at home, these Lagosians were faced with the generator symphony, and the thrill of myriad mosquitoes. That, is enough to make anyone hypertensive. So when assorted stethoscopes tell us that a third of Nigerians are prone to hypertension, we know that he did not include Lagosians (10% of Nigerians) in that list. We are no longer hypertensive here, we are already experiencing full blown hyper-tension.

    A good cause for hyper-tension, is the unemployment rate. Personally, I have fits of apoplexy whenever I have to take a drive through assorted parts of this city, and come face to face with the myriad young men, my age, who spend their weekday afternoons gathered at open air television viewing centres. You see, when you have so many idle minds, it is just a matter of time before the Devil sets up his work tools,as happened with Ifeoluwa Coker and John Odu who both needed to make ends meet, and proceeded to relieve fellow Lagosians of their automobiles.

    But then again, the case can be made that Messrs Coker and Odu took a look at the landscape of the employed around these parts, and decided that getting in there was not worth the effort. You see, they could have taken jobs, then gotten unpaid for months on end, only to still end up burgling their employer, because of a need to make ends meet. That, possibly, was the fate awaiting the 19 who perished trying to get jobs with our Interior Ministry all those months ago. Yes, that's the guilty party in this case.

    Bits and Bobs
  • Tired of seeing unemployed youths hawking phones that look like his own, the Standards blazer has struck back.
  • The National Jaw-jaw now has a locked jaw. No one appears to know what "federalism" means.
  • The Prez has put a gun to the heads of #ourNASS. "Give me $1 billion, or #BokoHaram will continue running buck wild." Expect more of those annoying adverts on Channels TV.
  • Meanwhile, since he ended up disobeying the orders from young Malala, expect another one of his superiors to give him an order soon. Michele Obama is getting interested.
  • Wednesday, July 16, 2014

    Trapped in traffic

    This morning, a lot of Lagosians will miss a lot of appointments, million naira deals will not get the required handshake, a lot of office workers will clock in very late. Scratch that, a lot of office workers have already clocked in late, all because of this, which caused a trek of biblical proportions in this 'ere city. That, is in just one end of town though, and in another end, epic traffic has become a way of life despite the best efforts of Fash and some ratings.

    You see, delays, as caused by pesky things such as 93 days in traffic, have a way of affecting every other thing that is in queue. Thus it was, that a day after being ordered about by a nice sounding 17-year old from Pakistan, our Prez found his office more or less insulted by a rag-tag group of villagers, who thumbed their collective nose up at him, and said that he was not worth their time. This unexpected show of "pride", led to a presidential parrot looking for damage control by belting out age old clich├ęs about opposition infiltrators and what not, then telling us that it was the Prez, who cancelled the entire photo-op.

    But it's not all doom and gloom. Hey, there is cause to celebrate. Only a week ago, one of the most unsavoury characters in Nigerian politics, Murtala "The Bigot" Nyako, attempted to play on religious sentiment by declaring a two-day fast during the month of Ramadam. Thankfully, the Almighty did not take too kindly to that deception, and Nyako was thrown out of the bus yesterday. He should thank his stars that Allah is merciful. In the days of yore, a pestilence would have visited him for that insult.

    Bits and Bobs
  • I thought that it was just World Cup money that the NFF was chopping. It is worse!
  • Consider this: we don't have light, yet our manufacturing sector is growing by leaps and bounds. Something does not add up.
  • After looking at what befell The Bigot, Nasarawa babariga, Al-Makura, is doing what's good for him.
  • Ghost, are a vital part of Nigeria's public service. So any attempt to send them back to the graveyard will be resisted.