Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Will they be coming back?

One of the tougher aspects of trying to get things done in Nigeria is perception issues. Yes, those of us who call this, err, geographical expression home, tend to be faced with a higher pole than people from other parts of the planet. Hence a daily morning tonic to [snip: Marketing department] people can get red flagged as fraud. But thankfully, this morning tonic is back. For now at least. A luxury that so far has not been afforded the vast majority of a group of young maidens who were forcefully taken out of their beds in the middle of the night by evil men, six months and one week ago now.

In the period since the disappearance of the girls, a group of do-gooders have day and night, made sure that the issue has remained in our consciousness. Unfortunately, and as is typically Nigerian, even the best of intentions are seen through the prism of primeval intent. Thus it was that when the do-gooders began bringing pressure to bear regarding the issue of the missing maidens, some of our babarigas chose to play politics with the issue. In a frankly miraculous incident yesterday, one of those babarigas saw the light and said, sorry.

It is possible, following Mr. Ogbeh's seeming penitence, that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Does Chxta believe that the girls are coming home? No, and statements by sources within the echelons of power bear that belief out. Should the #BringBackOurGirls campaigners stop because hope is waning? Why in the name of all that is good and holy should they?

Bits and Bobs
  • In other, #BokoHaram related news, the FG has made a strange request. It wants further exposes of Big Ali's chats with the #BokoHaram leadership taken in the peace and quiet of an empty stadium. When Big Ali's lawyer begins to make more sense than the FG's counsel, something is terribly wrong.
  • I love the new Ekiti state governor. As a newsman, he's going to provide me with material for the next four years. Material such as using a huge hammer toland some blows at continuity in the state's governance. By the way, his chit-chat on the state's funds bears another look.
  • Speaking of another look, those of you who were waiting for the Prez and the Jigawa state babariga to eyeball one another must have been shamed yesterday as the pair instead held hands and declared their love for one another.
  • Maybe, just maybe, the new airport that was opened in Dutse will come in handy and help us reduce our rather hefty fruit juice importation bill...
  • Finally, Rashidat Shehu, 21, could no longer stomach the slow pace of her market. A bit of ganja speeded things up.
  • Thursday, August 21, 2014

    About turn

    The last time anyone ever barked that order at me was on a parade ground in Benin City, almost two decades ago. Making an about turn is something, that to my mind is usually decisive and quick. Not lumbering, like the one currently being made by assorted FG whitecoats, with regards another set of whitecoats, who were all booted out of office just a week ago now.

    Let's put things in a wee bit of perspective here: u-turns are not bad. Even better, have the courage to be seen as executing that u-turn. It makes you seem more human, which, given the situation in this, err, geographical expression, is the least that can happen. We need real fresh air, not more of the same, like setting accounts departments ablaze. Haba!

    Bits and bobs

    While the accounts departments of the NFF burned, Nigeria's young maidens burned Korean nets.
    *In a sign of things to come, some saints swept away billboards belonging to other parties.
    *Still on the preparations for 2015, Bulless, Raymond, Josiah and Felix decided to go for a practice run of how to snatch ballot boxes, and got nabbed.
    *One of the people who recovered from the Ebola bug went to thank the Almighty, and caused pandemonium in the process.
    *Finally, our celebrities have decided to look ridiculous. First powering their generators, then filling buckets with ice, and pouring over themselves. Have a look.

    Tuesday, August 19, 2014

    When is it too much?

    Despite not talking about it too often on this morning tonic in recent days, we have not forgotten about the missing #Chibok girls, who's incarceration is heading like a fast moving train, towards the five month mark. While we consider what they are facing, we should also consider what their counterparts in other parts of Nigeria are facing.

    Yes, the plight of the Nigerian female is precarious at best, especially if said female comes from an indigent background. This disparity was one of the things highlighted a year ago by a blogger, going by the moniker, Sugabelly on these very pagesSugabelly has been in the news again recently, again talking about sexuality and the Nigerian female. Her recent, err, activity has spawned discussions on both sides of the divide. Some of the reaction has been vitriolic, again on both sides. But while we are all sharpening our swords in order to pep up our credentials as either defenders of all that is good and holy on the one hand, or protectors of modern womanhood on the other, please let's remember; let he, or she, that is without sin, on both sides, cast the first stone.

    Bits and bobs

    *Quote of the Day: "There is no Ebola in Nasarawa yet, we are only deling with a minor case of cholera" - Nasarawa Health Commissioner, Emma Akabe lets us know which ailment is important, and which is not.
    *But on a more serious note, Nigeria appears to have fought the Ebola bug to a standstill. Congrats to all those involved.
    *Which makes Cameroon's confirmation of its border closure sound all the more ridiculous.
    *Yesterday we talked about the fact that the naira in our pocket is getting smaller. Today, someone tries to explain what, if anything, can be done about it.
    *N5.1 millions were sitting unattended to in Samuel's account. So Ejiro, Nina and Samson, conspired with Mansur to put it to good use.
    *Finally, in a rather piteous event, someone, carrying something that looks suspiciously like the plug cap of a Peugeot car, was slapped a bit close to the Lagos airport yesterday. For fear of #BokoHaram.

    Monday, August 18, 2014

    Chxta's World goes to YouTube

    So,  as quite a few of you know, we've been on radio, Smooth 98.1 FM, Lagos, for a few years now. Not a lot of people have been asking to see videos, and we've resisted for a wee while. However, following my adventure in Osun State a few weeks back, I had to reconsider.

    So, by popular demand, #ChxtasWorld finally comes to YouTube. First episode with @TunjiAndrews, talking inflation

    Another insult

    Being a Nigerian is an exercise in the ability to absorb insults on a daily basis. What, from a government that is actively trying to reduce the ratio of doctors per person, to the mishandling of fellow citizens who are now refugees in their/our own country.

    Like any other warm blooded Nigerian, I have learned to absorb all of this. However, one new insult has got my blood boiling. Call me a hypocrite, and on this one I'll agree with you, but Cameroon, closing their borders to us, because of an Ebola outbreak that at the very least we appear to be bringing under control, is just an insult taken too far.

    What next? Equatorial Guinea? Benin? I humbly beg the Prez to call these guys to order, not look at the cleavages of actresses.

    Bits and bobs

    *According to the figures just released by the NBS, the naira in my pocket is getting smaller.
    *It's a well known fact that churches in Nigeria make away like bandits. The issue is whether they give Caesar his due.
    *The world's ugliest man attempted to enter Dubai. They turned him away. I know I would.
    *After all the babes decided that his game was not game enough, Osagiator turned to dem bitches. Five of them.
    *A Nigerian woman has died in Dubai. May she rest in peace. Naturally, the emirate will test to see if she had Ebola, not close their border. Cameroon, take note.
    *Finally, the Ebola scare is having an economic impact. Houses of ill-repute in Ikeja are not finding it funny.