Friday, October 24, 2014

New laws

One of the little things that interrupted this morning tonic for almost 60 days was the location it is typically sent from. You see, when the rest of the world sees a Nigerian IP, all sorts of schemes come to their minds, hence you cannot go shopping on Target.com for instance, if you are in Nigeria. It turns out that there was no real incentive for cyber criminals not to practice their arts because our laws were, well, our laws. Finally, it may just be that our gavels are waking up from their slumber. A new law being proposed will see, if passed, convicted cyber criminals go away for seven years to think of more creative ways to make money. Whether it will be enforced if passed, is another matter. But let's have it in the books first, as well as new laws regarding offline pilfering...

A potential problem with this new law though is that it may create a rash of unemployed, and sometimes unemployable youth to add to a jobs market which is already bursting at the seems. Well, to my mind, the next place they'd all make a beeline is politics. Frankly, the rewards of being a politician, in this err, geographical expression, tends to be far more than the rewards accrued from sitting in front of a computer and trying to get a maga to bite. However, for better or for worse, we do need more young people in our politics, and it appears that at the moment, only the PDP is taking that cry seriously.

Sadly though, it's becoming clearer that if you're a young person, and resident in the north-eastern part of this land, you have two choices: either you hightail it out of there, or failing that, you have two choices: if you are a bloke, you get your throat slit, if you are a maiden, you become a, err, comfort woman for an evil man. Another two dozen maidens were taken away to add to the already brimming #BokoHaram harem. Now consider this - following a missing students scandal in Mexico, the governor of Guerrero state, has stepped down. A good example for Kashim Shettima? Oops!

Bits and Bobs
  • Awwal Umar, a student union leader in the Abuja area, was shuffled off the mortal coil after being defrauded of the little amount of N7 millions. While Chxta prays that the Almighty grants him access to Jannah, Chxta also has to ask how a student union leader came to access such a princely sum.
  • Big brother Nigeria is sending hundreds of "volunteers" to help our Ebola hit neighbours. Chxta is torn between being a good neighbour, and remembering that these guys were not grateful for ECOMOG.
  • One reason Chxta likes Ayo Fayose is that he will provide Chxta a rich source of material for the next four years. In today's instalment, some of his friends have accused the Jagaban of throwing N800 millions into a toilet.
  • Women in South Sudan have hit on a novel solution to end their continuous civil war - deny their men of sex...
  • Thursday, October 23, 2014

    On discrimination

    Almost eight years ago, Chxta first walked into the offices of Unilink Systems, and got to work. The chap who was to be Chxta's boss for the next year plus happened to be a man who had never seen the inside of a university. As a rather arrogant, at the time, Masters degree holder, Chxta was flummoxed as to how this state of affairs came about. But, working under Mr. D. Shine, Chxta came to realise that it is not necessarily the holder of the papers, that is the most capable. Mr. Shine, has in all probability forgotten more about information technology than Chxta has learned up until now.

    Problem in Nigeria though, is that people like Mr. Shine will not be afforded much of a chance to make an impact in almost any aspect of life because they lack the requisite papers. Hence the Bill introduced by the gavel, Ayo Akinyelure, is most welcome. What Chxta finds a little worrying is that some other gavels seem to think that merging polytechnics to universities is a solution to this needless problem. Nigeria, unlike the UK or the US, has a huge infrastructure deficit. Weneed the polytechnics.

    Speaking of things we need, we also need truth. Six months after more than 200 young Nigerian maidens were taken screaming into the night by evil men, we were told first that a ceasefire had been arranged with the evil men, then the evil men continued their carnage despite said ceasefire, then, the evil men promptly decided to take another 60 young Nigerian women. Question - when will we stop discriminating against the truth?

    Bits and Bobs
  • Since many foreign investors have decided to, in the words of a Kenyan investor, stand aside and watch, the Ichafo in charge has had to tell them, "don't panic".
  • 8,000 of the people who wanted to check out of Nigeria were barred by men in uniforms in the first half of the year.
  • My new best friend is making a lot of waves in Ekiti. This time, he's closing a petrol station a week after inauguration as it's suddenly an environmental hazard. Problem is, the station belongs to, err, an opposition party member...
  • Finally, and in a big blow to, err, tourism in Abuja, the night-time tourist attractions have been given two days to take a hike or face the wrath of...
  • Wednesday, October 22, 2014

    Will they be coming back?

    One of the tougher aspects of trying to get things done in Nigeria is perception issues. Yes, those of us who call this, err, geographical expression home, tend to be faced with a higher pole than people from other parts of the planet. Hence a daily morning tonic to [snip: Marketing department] people can get red flagged as fraud. But thankfully, this morning tonic is back. For now at least. A luxury that so far has not been afforded the vast majority of a group of young maidens who were forcefully taken out of their beds in the middle of the night by evil men, six months and one week ago now.

    In the period since the disappearance of the girls, a group of do-gooders have day and night, made sure that the issue has remained in our consciousness. Unfortunately, and as is typically Nigerian, even the best of intentions are seen through the prism of primeval intent. Thus it was that when the do-gooders began bringing pressure to bear regarding the issue of the missing maidens, some of our babarigas chose to play politics with the issue. In a frankly miraculous incident yesterday, one of those babarigas saw the light and said, sorry.

    It is possible, following Mr. Ogbeh's seeming penitence, that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Does Chxta believe that the girls are coming home? No, and statements by sources within the echelons of power bear that belief out. Should the #BringBackOurGirls campaigners stop because hope is waning? Why in the name of all that is good and holy should they?

    Bits and Bobs
  • In other, #BokoHaram related news, the FG has made a strange request. It wants further exposes of Big Ali's chats with the #BokoHaram leadership taken in the peace and quiet of an empty stadium. When Big Ali's lawyer begins to make more sense than the FG's counsel, something is terribly wrong.
  • I love the new Ekiti state governor. As a newsman, he's going to provide me with material for the next four years. Material such as using a huge hammer toland some blows at continuity in the state's governance. By the way, his chit-chat on the state's funds bears another look.
  • Speaking of another look, those of you who were waiting for the Prez and the Jigawa state babariga to eyeball one another must have been shamed yesterday as the pair instead held hands and declared their love for one another.
  • Maybe, just maybe, the new airport that was opened in Dutse will come in handy and help us reduce our rather hefty fruit juice importation bill...
  • Finally, Rashidat Shehu, 21, could no longer stomach the slow pace of her market. A bit of ganja speeded things up.
  • Thursday, August 21, 2014

    About turn



    The last time anyone ever barked that order at me was on a parade ground in Benin City, almost two decades ago. Making an about turn is something, that to my mind is usually decisive and quick. Not lumbering, like the one currently being made by assorted FG whitecoats, with regards another set of whitecoats, who were all booted out of office just a week ago now.

    Let's put things in a wee bit of perspective here: u-turns are not bad. Even better, have the courage to be seen as executing that u-turn. It makes you seem more human, which, given the situation in this, err, geographical expression, is the least that can happen. We need real fresh air, not more of the same, like setting accounts departments ablaze. Haba!

    Bits and bobs

    *
    While the accounts departments of the NFF burned, Nigeria's young maidens burned Korean nets.
    *In a sign of things to come, some saints swept away billboards belonging to other parties.
    *Still on the preparations for 2015, Bulless, Raymond, Josiah and Felix decided to go for a practice run of how to snatch ballot boxes, and got nabbed.
    *One of the people who recovered from the Ebola bug went to thank the Almighty, and caused pandemonium in the process.
    *Finally, our celebrities have decided to look ridiculous. First powering their generators, then filling buckets with ice, and pouring over themselves. Have a look.

    Tuesday, August 19, 2014

    When is it too much?


    Despite not talking about it too often on this morning tonic in recent days, we have not forgotten about the missing #Chibok girls, who's incarceration is heading like a fast moving train, towards the five month mark. While we consider what they are facing, we should also consider what their counterparts in other parts of Nigeria are facing.

    Yes, the plight of the Nigerian female is precarious at best, especially if said female comes from an indigent background. This disparity was one of the things highlighted a year ago by a blogger, going by the moniker, Sugabelly on these very pagesSugabelly has been in the news again recently, again talking about sexuality and the Nigerian female. Her recent, err, activity has spawned discussions on both sides of the divide. Some of the reaction has been vitriolic, again on both sides. But while we are all sharpening our swords in order to pep up our credentials as either defenders of all that is good and holy on the one hand, or protectors of modern womanhood on the other, please let's remember; let he, or she, that is without sin, on both sides, cast the first stone.

    Bits and bobs

    *Quote of the Day: "There is no Ebola in Nasarawa yet, we are only deling with a minor case of cholera" - Nasarawa Health Commissioner, Emma Akabe lets us know which ailment is important, and which is not.
    *But on a more serious note, Nigeria appears to have fought the Ebola bug to a standstill. Congrats to all those involved.
    *Which makes Cameroon's confirmation of its border closure sound all the more ridiculous.
    *Yesterday we talked about the fact that the naira in our pocket is getting smaller. Today, someone tries to explain what, if anything, can be done about it.
    *N5.1 millions were sitting unattended to in Samuel's account. So Ejiro, Nina and Samson, conspired with Mansur to put it to good use.
    *Finally, in a rather piteous event, someone, carrying something that looks suspiciously like the plug cap of a Peugeot car, was slapped a bit close to the Lagos airport yesterday. For fear of #BokoHaram.